Blue eyes and changing times

I've recently found myself thinking of, literally dreaming of, and dwelling on, this.... boy? man? friend? crush? classmate? guy?  I suppose what I classify him as is not the important part.  The important part is that he was someone who I used to be rather close with.  I never knew exactly what we were.  Most of the time I didn't care.  I just knew that I cared an awful lot about this person, and no matter what anyone else thought, our relationship, whatever it was, was very important to me.

This damn friendship of ours though.  Gosh was it grueling.  Yet for the most part it endured through the years.

Until this past year.  That's when everything got messy and everything went to shit.

Lately that's been bothering me.  I miss him, damn it.

I miss that boy who could make me laugh at the drop of a hat.  Who made me more compassionate by just allowing me to hear bits and pieces of his story unfold in almost every conversation we had.  He didn't realize how beautiful of a person he was.  But I did.  He refused to believe he was good.

But he was.

The sad part about a boy with a shy smile and honest clear blue eyes, is that when that boy begins to believe he isn't good, he stops caring to try to be.  That changes him.  It twists him into someone you don't know anymore.  And that hurts.

It hurts like hell.

Always,
L.A.