Time for a change?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet" -Romeo and Juliet

Indeed, what is in a name?

I feel as though when I created this blog months ago, I wasn't really sure about what direction it would take. In that moment of spontaneity I named it "My Underdog Story", but now I feel that a different name would better do my silly little blog justice. I still believe that my story is an underdog story of sorts, things are not handed to me now, nor will they ever be, but I am certain another title would be better suited for this string of posts that keeps me sane. Maybe "This is the life I live and love"?

What do you think?

Should I keep the name the same? Change it to the one I mentioned? Or something else entirely?

Any comments would be greatly appreciated to say the least.

Thanks,

L.A.




ps: this is my 45th post.
45 also happens to be the number of my high school basketball jersey.
oh, nostalgia.

One of those days

I'm having one of those days. I was yesterday as well. Yesterday I let that want, that need for laziness win, but today I'm not. Not entirely at least. Today I find myself in the library attempting to study. That's progress, right?

Always,

L.A.

At North Farm

taken from "At North Farm"

by John Ashbery

Somewhere someone is traveling furiously toward you,

At incredible speed, traveling day and night,

Through blizzards and desert heat, across torrents,

through narrow passes.

But he will know where to find you,

Recognize you when he sees you

Okay. I'll wait, no matter how hard this waiting business may be. I'll keep waiting for you my someday-husband. Because even now, when I'm up at this ridiculously late (or I guess you could say early?) hour because I've somehow managed to get my days and nights mixed up, avoiding studying for the wretchedness that is finals, I love you.

Always yours,

me






p.s. I found this lovely poem at a blog that has truly inspired me in more ways than one. Even if you never read this, I just want to say thank you, Meg. To the rest of the blogging world, I hope you take the time to read her here at her blog the wild and wily ways of a brunette bombshell.

If I'm not where I want to be, living a blissfully happy life in five years,

this is exactly what I'm going to do.

If you could buy a ticket to anywhere in the world,

where would it be?

Personally, I think New York sounds rather lovely.

Always,

L.A.

These are my people

I'm having one of those rare days where I just want to sit in my room, be a hermit, and enjoy some time alone. Or at least I was until my best friends at school dragged me out for a girls night in.

I tried my best to resist. I'm not wearing any make-up, I'm wearing yesterdays hair up in a pony tail, and I'm in sweats. On a typical day, I refuse to do anything more than leave my room to go to the bathroom looking like this, but they asked for it, so they're gonna have to love me just the way I am.

That has got to be one of the best parts about best friends. Don't you think?

They love you even when you feel like you look like complete and absolute shit.

Always,

L.A.

How John Hughes movies make me feel

"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life." -Easy A


I hear you, Emma Stone. I hear you loud and clear.


Always,
L.A.

An update

Today my mom's friend Amanda was supposed to have her first day of treatment for cancer. Instead, she's back in the hospital with fluid on her lungs and pancreas. I'm trying to remain optimistic, but the odds just keep stacking up against her. Please, please continue to pray for her. She needs a miracle.

Always,
L.A. 

I guess I'll just make a list...

Tonight I've been thinking a lot about how blessed I am to have such amazing friends in my life, but there's so much to say about all of them I'm not even sure where to begin. So in an attempt to say exactly what I'm feeling right now, I figured I'd just make a list:

1. I love late night phone calls from my best friend spent talking about everything and nothing.
Bay and I have been through everything together since second grade, and I honestly have no idea what I would do without her. It's been a big adjustment this year going to schools that are two hours away from each other, but I've yet to go a day without talking to her and I cannot wait until this summer when her house is just a quick ten minute drive away. There is no doubt in my mind that we are sisters even if we don't share the same DNA.

2. I love movie nights with the amazing ladies I've gotten the chance to know this past year.
These girls are seriously amazing. (Ashley, Sadie, and Becca, you all know you are!) I know for a fact I would not have made it through this last year's transition if they weren't there by my side every step of the way. I cannot wait to share many more adventures with them in the years to come.

3. I love that my roommate understands my strange sleeping habits and the fact I can never wake up to my alarm(s).
I am going to be so sad without her next year. What will I do without her by my side plotting to travel the world with me?

4. I love making great friends in the most unexpected places.
I have become really great friends with some really amazing ladies I just happened to sit next to in a class. These unexpected friendships are often the most beautiful.

5. I love that some of my closest friends also happen to be family.
From my sister to my mother to my brother to my cousin, each one of these people played such a huge roll in helping me become who I am today. Thank goodness they'll have to put up with me for many more years to come.

6. I love that each and every one of the people I've briefly mentioned above love me despite my silly, boy-crazy, dorky, loud, interpretative dancing self.

I love you all! You mean the world to me!

Always,
L.A.

Please

You know that scene in 10 Things I Hate About You where Heath Ledger takes Julia Stiles on that adorable paint ballooning date?? Would someone do that for me? Please?


Always,
L.A.

Pray

My heart hurts as of late.

My mother's friend Amanda has recently been diagnosed with breast and liver cancer. She is only thirty-five. She has three young children and is ten weeks pregnant with her fourth child. Her chemo treatments start tomorrow.

This is all just too sad. Why do these things happen? Why? I'm not even close to coming up with an answer.

I find myself constantly thinking about this sadness. I'll be in the middle of class or sitting in the library, and I'll just start crying. Not sobs, or even flowing tears, just a few quiet tears at a time.

My heart hurts as of late. Hurts for Amanda and all of her family and friends. Hurts for the possibility that her children will grow up with out her. Hurts for the possibility of...

No.

I must not think like that. My heart may hurt, but I will not let it be dragged down by sorrow. With God's help, I will be strong. My mother needs me to be strong for her. I must be strong so my mother can be strong for Amanda.

I ask you, dear readers, to please, please pray for Amanda in whatever way you are able to.
She needs a miracle.

Always,

L.A.

There's something about this wonderful Sunday afternoon that just puts me in a Neil Diamond kind of mood. Thanks Daddy for introducing me to his music as a child.

Always,
L.A.

Dance with me

Dear man who will love me even on the days I'm lacking coordination,

I cannot wait to dance with you. I don't care if you have two left feet or dance like Fred Astaire, as long as you're smiling and laughing with me while you're at it. You and I, we're going to have some great times together.

Love always,
me

Choose Happiness

From glengarry glen ross.

"What I'm saying, what is our life? It's looking forward or it's looking back. And that's our life. That's it. Where is the moment?"
-from David Mamet's Glengarry Glen Ross.

Wow. Mamet is right on the money. How true is that excerpt? Do we not spend the majority of our lives glorifying and dwelling on the past or dreaming of and worrying about the future? I know I donate a large amounts of my time to these activities on a regular basis. (you can gather as much from reading this silly little blog of mine.)

But then I have nights like tonight. Nights where I spend hours laughing and talking with girls I adore, and hours after that talking about nothing and everything with my lovely roommate. (her name is Kristen by the way.) And it's moments like those I just want to savor.

Always,
L.A.

The mad ones

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."

-Jack Kerouac

These are the days I love being an English major. Just the last week in my literature class we were discussing the Beat movement, and now today I've discovered the beauty of Jack Kerouac's words. I'd have to agree with him, by the way. The only people for me are the mad ones.

Always,

L.A.

Brrr...

To the man who will stay up 'till the wee hours of the morning with me simply to be with me,

My feet are freezing right now. I wish you were here right now to keep them warm. Don't you worry though, as you will unavoidably find out, my feet are almost always cold. You'll have plenty of opportunities to warm my heart by warming them.

Love always and forever,
me

Late night musings

Someday I'm going to see the world.  Maybe not today, or this month, or even this year, but someday I'm going to quench my thirst for travel.  I guess that's what George Bailey said in It's a Wonderful Life too though, and look where he ended up.  Well, actually I suppose he didn't make out too bad for himself, lack of frequent flier miles and all.

Always,
L.A.

Red rain boots

I'm not sure who this woman is, but what I do know is that she is embodying my current fashion obsession.

The coveted red rain boot.

Ugh. I am absolutely in love with this rainy weather, but boy does it make me itch for a cute pair of rain boots that I cannot afford. Oh, the joys of being of broke college student. If you own a pair of red rain boots do me a favor would you?

Don them for me?

Always,

L.A.

photo courtesy of http://wanderwithstyle.com/2012/03/rain-boots-bubble-umbrellas/

Serenade me?

Being from the Midwest, it's almost impossible not to have an appreciation for country music.  After last night's barn dance, (before you laugh: I'm from the Midwest remember? We live for stuff like that!) here's one specific country song that I'm absolutely in love with.  Anyone want to come and serenade me with it? Please?

Always,
L.A.

Rainy days

Beautiful, blissful rainy days like today make me want to lock myself in my room and write all day.  I feel inspiration around me in places that are ordinary enough any other day.  How I long to just get lost in that creativity.

Alas, reality calls. I suppose, at least for now, I must choose to answer.

Always,
L.A.

Sometimes a person just needs to...

...frolic carelessly down the hallway in the dead of the night towards the bathroom in the dorms and celebrate life as it is right then. Because nights spent effortlessly sitting on the futon with your roommate eating dry lucky charms out of the box and watching the random old movie playing on the TV guide channel are beautiful. And dorky. And so me.

Gosh. And just when I was beginning to think I'd lost myself again.

A little... or maybe a lot... of honesty

Sometimes I worry that what I post here on this blog, this place where my thoughts become tangible, is not good enough. I worry that it's not inspiring enough. Or artistic enough. Or real enough. I was thinking this today as I stared at my computer screen no knowing what to write, but knowing...No. Feeling, that I should.

But here's what I realized:

Who cares? Honestly, why does it matter? Who cares who reads this?

As much as I love and appreciate you, my dear dear readers, in the end I'm not writing for you. Believe me, outside of the blogging world I'm a very far cry from selfish ninety percent of the time, but here and now, in this place where no one can touch me, I'm doing this for me.

And yeah, I really truly hope that somehow, someday someone identifies with my words the way I've identified with different writers who, although they've never met me, just get me.

But until then, this is me. I may not always say what you want or need to hear, or rather write what you want or need to read, but maybe, just maybe, someday what I say will be exactly what you need to get through the day or get you back on your feet or just keep you dreaming. (Oh, the beauty of dreaming...)

So I guess really, if I'm being honest, that's why I write.

Always,
L.A.

On reese's eggs

Dear man whose last name will one day be mine,

Someday, on the Monday after Easter, can we buy up all of the Reese's Easter eggs left on the shelves?  My supply of reaster eggs never seems to last long enough, and by now I'm sure you know how I feel about that perfect chocolate to peanut butter ratio.

Love always,

me


p.s. Even now, I love you more than I love those scrumptious eggs. xo

My time machine

Isn't it funny how a song can be a time machine?

No matter where you are or who you're with, when you hear that one song you're instantly back in the moment in which that song became more than just a song.  You're in that moment in which that song evolved.  That moment it evolved into a vehicle to take you back to the moment when it became significant.

"Feel So Close" recently evolved and gained this significance for me.
Calvin Harris's song brings me back to one of those moments I could live in.

It was just a couple nights ago I found myself in a crowded car on my way out to Spirit Mound to enjoy a midnight hike.  I shouldn't have been there, in the back of that car so incredibly squished but loving the closeness I felt with those there sharing that moment with me.  I should have been back in the library studying for the test I had the next day.  But I wasn't.  I was there in that moment with those amazing people I feel so blessed to be able to call my friends.

We were all smiling and laughing, forgetting our responsibilities while we could.  And then that song came on.  "I feel so close to you right now."  The radio was turned up.  Dan and Curtis were fist pumping and shaking the car, making it a challenge for Ashley to drive straight.  Des, Nicole, and myself were laughing and dancing as well.

"I feel so close to you right now," Dan sang. "This song is perfect!"

How perfect it was, as he continued to dance beside me, unable to do so without making me dance as well we were so close.  And now, days later I can be transported to that wonderful moment again and again with just the sound of Calvin Harris's voice.  "I feel so close to you right now."

Always,
L.A.

The uncertain

Sometimes I let my doubts get the best of me and find myself worrying about the future...
Oh, the uncertain.  How it scares me.

I suppose Margret Drabble's right though.  "When nothing is sure, everything is possible."
What a beautiful way to think of the unknown.  I really must try and remember this.
I must.

Always,
L.A.

Be silly

When many people I know are trying so hard to be adult and sophisticated, I've come to see the wisdom in the words Emerson left us.  Life may not be as simple as it once was, but it's also not as complicated as we often make it.

I ask that you not take life too seriously.

I ask that you sing in the shower no matter who may hear.

Laugh at yourself as you make a fool of yourself as you fall up the stairs.

And dance like an idiot when your favorite song comes on.

I ask that you smile at the cute boy you pass on your way to class.

Strike up a conversation with a stranger while you wait in the checkout line.

And shrug off the awkward moments that are ever present in life.

I ask that you treat yourself to cookie-dough ice cream.

Cry unashamed while watching your favorite movies.

And embrace the nights you don't have time for sleep.

After all, it's the little things in life that make it great.  So be silly.

Always,

L.A.

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