I believe it is the moments

Tyler Knott, my goodness, you've done it again.

Always,
L.A.

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I keep trying to write these days.

But it always comes out the same.

Click. Click. Click.

I type out a couple of lines. I read them. Decide my words have lost the weight they once held back when I had time to write. Then while sitting on my keyboard my right pinky finds that downer the backspace key.

And yet again the screen is blank.

Always,
L.A.

Oh beautiful crazy life

I recently caved and blew my entire life savings (sadly this is only a slight exaggeration) on a Macbook Pro after my HP went and crashed on me...To put it nicely I'm still getting the hang of this thing.

Life's still incredibly busy. It honestly looks a little something like this during the week:
Wake up. Class. Do homework. Class. Class. Eat lunch. Do homework. (or just eat lunch while doing homework.) Class. Do homework. Work. Eat something. Do homework. Go to bed.
Wake up and repeat.

So I apologize, as much to myself as I do to you, for not writing lately.

I promise, it's on my list of things to do.

Always,
L.A.

Let us set the world on fire

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Fight against it all

We must fight against
half lives, broken promises,
ordinary love.
Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

& Here I am, about to drown in the chaos…

School is taking over my life. I haven’t had time to just sit and write in ages. I haven’t even read the wild and wily ways of a brunette bombshell in over a week. There is something seriously wrong with all of that.

I suppose it’s just part of life. These times of absolute craziness in which one has trouble even finding time to breathe. Yet I feel like they’re necessary.

To show us how strong we are.

To show us just how much we can accomplish. To show us how, even when there is not a chance in the world we could ever make it through this mess, God will get us through.

And so even though I’ve found myself on the verge of stress-filled tears a couple times this week,
I’m thankful for it all.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

When the waves get to rough and the chaos is about to drown me, it’s these words I cling to.
Without Him, I can do nothing.

Always,
L.A.

Is that you?

I catch myself wondering from time to time,
is the you I miss so much the you that is still under all of that junk?
Is that you still a mess of mischievous but beautifully honest eyes,
eyes that promised we’d always be in touch?
Is the you that still pulls on my heart strings,
the you that the tears that washed my face in mass were for?

And this shall be my life…

God knows that I really am trying to do
                  Everything He’s asked me to…

In case it later slips my mind,

 

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There is no such thing as a useless prayer

‎"All of our prayers -- with all the limits, difficulty, poverty, aridity and imperfections they may have -- are as it were purified and reach the heart of God. We must be certain, therefore, that there are no superfluous, useless prayers; not one of them is lost. And they find a response -- even if it is oftentimes mysterious -- because God is Love and infinite Mercy. "
- Pope Benedict XVI

Late night fancies…

One day I’m going to look back and think to myself,

“Oh, that’s why things happened the way they did.
                     For if they hadn’t, I’d have never found you.”

To be alive

Some times the words refuse to come. Some times all you can do is sit down in front of your computer with a heart full of so much to be expressed and written here for the world to see, but the words that would accurately detail the deep ache your heart and soul are experiencing are just beyond your reach.

But other times the words flow. For no reason at all. Or maybe for every reason. Sometimes a girl just gets full. Full of the feeling that you’re right where you’re supposed to be. The feeling that something wonderful is coming your way and it’s so close when you reach out your fingertips just almost brush it. The feeling that finally, despite all the stress and anxiety and uncertainty, finally you are living.

How great it truly is to be alive.

Always,
L.A.

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Can we be best friends? Just you and me?
It’ll be us against the world; wait and see.

What if?

 

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It’s all about the moments…

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Never forget.

Those hellish places we’ve been? As awful as they were, they’re what shaped us into who we are today. Not one of us would be the same if it weren’t for that fateful day eleven years ago.

I was just an innocent third grader, waiting in line for lunch with my friends, when a classmate started telling us about how her mom, who was a teacher at our school, had told her about how two planes had crashed into the twin towers. At the tender age of eight, I called her a liar. Because at the tender age of eight, bad things just don’t happen. Or at least they shouldn’t.

I don’t really remember the rest of the school day.

After my younger sister and I got off the school bus, my mom took us all to my grandparents house. There we spent the rest of the day in front of the TV, watching that terrible scene as it was replayed over and over. I cried. Even then I understood. I knew about the pain of others, and tears that danced down my face couldn’t begin to express my sorrow for all those who wouldn’t get to hold there loved ones that day the way my mom was holding me.

9/11/2001

May we pray for all those affected, and hope that nothing like this tragedy ever happens again.

Always,
L.A.

Oh, hello you. I’ve been waiting for you.

Sometimes you can’t wait for the signs. Sometimes you must just do what you know in your heart to be right. Even if that something scares the living hell outta you.

Always,
L.A.

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A letter for him:

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To the man who will love me even when my hair grays,

Be silly with me will you?
Read to me out loud, resting your feet on my lap, and laugh with me as life gets crazy,
the way it always does. Promise me you’ll embrace the craziness,
hold me tight, and love me through it all.
Always yours,
me

Sunday Song - “Home”

I cannot stop listening to this song. It comforts me as life moves oh so rapidly. And that voice. Mmm. That in itself is comforting.

“Settle down, it’ll all be clear
Don’t pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home”

Hope your weekend has been carefree, and that you have wisely finished your homework for the coming week, refusing to put it off until now, unlike me. Sending you all my love.

Always,
L.A.

If only…

If only I could find a quote
that clearly expressed how much I miss you.
How much I care about you.
How you’re still a dead weight on my heart
despite what my head’s been telling me for months.

To hell with this feeling.
This loving till it hurts.
It’s true what they say.
I still care about you too much.

I pray to God every day you find peace.
That you can escape the hollowness that plagues you.
That you’ll let someone care about you some day.
That you’ll let them in where I’ve fought so hard to be.

I pray every day you find what you keep looking for.
Or at least that you won’t stop looking.
And that when that day comes you’ll call me up
and we’ll sit at some little cafe sipping on hot tea and coffee.

In that place we’ll make peace.
You’ll tell me about your struggles,
and how He helps you conquer them day after day.
Apologies will be had from both sides.

But then we’ll part,
with the hug of old friends,
my heart full again,
proud of the man you’ve become.
Of the man you’ve always ben.

Today

And some days you just know that right now, at this very moment,
you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Today is one of those days.

Always,
L.A.

God is good.

I’m back in the dorms again, sleeping just one long hallway away from where I was last year. But oh what a difference a year can make. I’ve changed a lot in the last year.

Now, by changed I by no means am referring to my personality. I still am constantly talking a little too loud. My girly high pitched sneeze still doesn’t fit my big 5’11” frame. I continue to tear up at the most ridiculous things, and will always ball during sappy movies.

But I feel like I’ve grown. Matured.

Matured. Ha. What does that even mean?

I used to laugh when people acted like spending a couple months away from home could change you.

It turns out they were right though.

I’m not that girl who naively thought she had it all figured out. I’m not the girl who wants to be like everyone else. I refuse to mute who I am. I’m not afraid to be different. To want different things than those around me.

Thank God, I’ve found my voice.

Isn’t it crazy? What a difference one little year can make?

Always,
L.A.

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile."
– Mother Teresa

I can do all things…

I feel like I should apologize. I haven’t forgotten about you, my little place on the internet.

This I promise.

Another school year has started here. Today marked week two. I’m enjoying my classes thus far, but I must admit they make me anxious. Is this really what I want to do? How do I know that at the end of these four years I’m going to want to do the very thing I’m preparing for? I talk myself into and out of my major at least twenty times a day. I’m not sure why I do it. I know all the worrying and stressing I do is pointless.

I do it anyways.

I landed myself a job today. I have an interview for another one tomorrow. I’ve decided to join my university’s newspaper staff and see how that goes. I’m starting not one, but two Bible studies in the next couple of weeks.

I can do all things through He who strengthens me. Even survive the wonderful craziness of college.

I hope.

Always,
L.A.