Ladies,

Enough with the body shaming. With the fat talk. With the idea that as soon as you achieve the "thigh-gap" everything will be great. With the idea that a middle that isn't flat and hard isn't worth having arms wrapped around it. Because, I'm going to level with you, all of that is nothing more than a giant pile of bull shit.

Be healthy. Yes. Do that. Please. But don't do it to finally fit into that jean size. Who gives a flying fuck what number is on the small flap of fabric inside that pair of skinny jeans that makes you feel like a million bucks?

Go ahead. Run a mile every day, or just take the stairs today, not because you want that number on the scale to be a little bit less, but because your body is your home for as long as you're on this earth and you might as well take care of it.

How many miles have your capable legs taken you in your lifetime? How many dances have your feet allowed you to enjoy? How many loved ones have your arms embraced? Thank them.

Strengthen them to take you further. To dance for just one more song. To hold on a little longer. To squeeze a little tighter. Feed it with the kind of food that'll keep you going that extra mile. I'll be damned if that doesn't include apple pie and ice-cream in the fall.

Because isn't that how it should be? You shouldn't hate this beautiful and marvelous vehicle which has taken you this far. On your first bike ride. To your first of many dances. Across the stage at graduation. To that city where you really started to understand yourself.

You should celebrate it. Thank it. Care for it. Recognize it as the God given gift that it is. No matter how different it is from the girl's sitting next to you in class or the woman's you pass in the grocery store. Realize that every little freckle or scar, every feature you have, is just part of an illustration that helps tell the story of your life.

And just as reading a book with the same illustration on every page would be boring, so would being a part of a world where everyone fits the same mold. Your story is beautiful, special, and unique. Your body is too.

Embrace it. Try to be grateful for it. & Please take the time to learn to love it.

Not enough

I thought maybe you could mean something to me. That your kind attentiveness would be enough to me. There was always that whisper in the back of my head that always insisted, "You're worth more. This is not enough."

When people asked about you I would shrug my shoulders. Tell them I wasn't sure exactly what we were or what I wanted us to be. Looking back I see that the uncertainty that made a nest for itself in my stomach whenever you came up in conversation should have been a dead giveaway.

I should have known.

I should have know that although the daily text messages were flattering, the fact that you never worked up the nerve to call me meant you didn't understand me. When you said you only looked out for yourself I should have known that you were incompatible with my need to love everyone I came into contact with.

But I am a stubborn woman, so it took me a little longer to see, that a foolish boy in a man's body, no matter how attractive, kind, or attentive he may be, would never be enough for me.

Rain, rain, go away...

Here we are talking about the weather again.

"Was it raining up there this morning too?"
"Yes. For a little bit."

The conversation is so mundane it makes me want to scream and pull out my hair. I don't want this. I want to talk about big things. Things that matter to me or to you. I want to tell you I'm sick of small talk. I know you don't care how work is going for me just as much as I don't care how the work day is treating you. I want to know what makes you tick.

What never fails to bring tears to your eyes?
          What is something you wish you could just forget?
                    What makes you smile from the top of your head to your toes?

I won't ask you those questions though. I'll just keep the small talk rolling enough to remind me there is another person on the other end of the phone. At least for today.

You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Note to self:

Perfection will always be out of reach.

& that's okay.

Sometimes you just gotta jump into things.

Close your eyes. Cross your fingers. Throw up a prayer that it'll all work out. Trust that it will. 

Stop over analyzing. Get messy. Live life.

Always,

L.A.

Fear of the dark

In order to find love you must take a risk and put yourself out there.
     This I realize.
     But just because you recognize something as truth doesn't make it any easier to put into practice.


I've put an invisible wall up around myself. (specifically my heart) Most don't realize it exists. I'm too gracious for the average person to see it. I will befriend any Tom, Dick, or Harry I happen to meet. But if for some reason I feel my walls begin to crumble or something causes the ground on which they stand to shift...

                      I run.
                         (metephorically.)
                         (....well for the most part.)


The possibility of letting someone in far enough for them to love me also comes with the threat of letting them in just enough for them to break me.


That brokenness, the darkness, that place where rejection and hurt lives,
              scares the living daylights out of me.

                                      For God's sake, I've always been afraid of the dark.

I'm okay.

Sometimes you just have those mornings. You know the ones. You wake up and as you're looking in the mirror putting on makeup hurriedly before class you realize that you're going to be okay.

You laugh to yourself as you realize just how different God's plans might be from your own, but despite it all you know, just know in your heart of hearts, that His plan is going to be much greater than anything you could have dreamed up.

& Because of these beautiful truths, you find yourself smiling again.

Praise be, friends. Today is going to be a good day.

Always,
L.A.

It's hard to put into words something you can't even put into a coherent thought. It's complicated. Yet so simple. Things are how they are. They're this way for a reason. Someday it all may look very different. Or it could look exactly the same, with the exception of our graying hair.

There's this constant war constantly being waged within me.

To fight this or not to fight it. To give into my reckless heart or to deny what I know to be true. Or should I just keep doing what I've been doing and settle into this in-betweenness that I've come to find so comfortable?

Let me ask you:
What is the right thing to do?

I don't know what it is about me that makes someone like you so easy to fall back into. It's what makes you so you. And me so me. You make my heart smile. All of your little quirks.

Your silly little quirks.

Cue my sigh. smile. laughter at the memory of your awkward silly wink earlier today.

But I know that she is, at least for now, the one that makes you smile. That, at least for now, that's the way it is. That's the way it's going to be. May always be.

And who knows. Things may change. Or not.

Don't ask me to make sense of it all.

All I know now is that you make me smile. And Lord, how I love to smile.

Always,
L.A.

I know what they say...               "Love's messy."

Well maybe that's why I keep unconsciously sabotaging myself.

I've never been very good with messes.

Always,

L.A.

Remember:

It’s ok to slip,

and it’s ok to fall down,
but always get up.

Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

Romance me,

but please try & hold off for the next 40 days, because this girl is officially on a dating fast. 
Always,
L.A.

PS: I've recently discovered I'm attracted to the Clark Kent type nine times out of ten. You know, wonderfully nerdy with their thick rimmed glasses, but still 110% man underneath it all. I mean for goodness sakes, Clark Kent is Superman. & who wouldn't want to date, marry, and make ten babies with Superman?

PPS: You all need, with a capital N, to see this video. Although I can't ever see myself eloping, I'm absolutely enchanted with it.

PPPS: Read this. I almost died laughing. hahaha... Something like this would definitely happen to me.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for my morning coffee flavored with carmel

just the way I like it that helps me get out of bed.

I'm thankful for my very blue-collar parttime job

which has allowed me to meet new people and make them laugh just when they need to.

I'm thankful for my best friend,

the girl who is always one quick text or phone call away when I need someone most.

I'm thankful for the girls in my Bible study,

I love how together we can share in how we're all crazy about Jesus

& just crazy in general.

I'm thankful for little everyday miracles,

like getting to wear shorts outside in November,

and having my roommate finally agree to come to SEEK with me in January.

I'm thankful for prayer, the Word, Mass, grace, & genuine friendships made in Christ.

I'm thankful that I finally feel at home here.

I can't help but thank the Lord for all He's blessed me with.

God is so very good.

Images via: 1, 2, & 3

My people

....& then one day I just woke up and realized that I didn't care if I wasn't like them anymore. I didn't care if I wasn't in on their latest inside joke or on board the emotional roller coaster they couldn't seem to get off. I finally realized why things were so awkward between us recently.

The little things that meant the world to them meant absolutely nothing to me. I longed for more, knew that in this life I'd been called to live for something bigger. Yeah, it kind of hurt, to know that now that I was aware of my indifference to their shallow pettiness nothing would ever be the same, but at the same time I was relieved.

Because in that moment I knew.

They weren't my people. They never had been. No matter how long and hard I tried, they couldn't fit into that role. They weren't meant to play it.

I'd had my people all along.

Drive

Some nights I just want to tell all of my responsibilities to go eff themselves. Some nights I just want to get into my car and drive. Just get on the interstate, no destination in mind, with my dorm and little college town in my rear view mirror.

I'd turn up my faithful Subaru's stereo and drown out the world with the sound of Mumford & Sons. A tear or two might make their way down my face, their origin or reason unknown. Alone in my car, free to be the realest version of me, reasons aren't required.

I might end up going North. Stopping in the city so familiar to me for a late night cup of coffee. Or maybe I'd take the exit towards the place that I recognize as home and spend the night in a peaceful sleep, curled up in my childhood bed.

I might end up passing the exit sign for home and travel another hour towards the school my best friend from high school attends and holds so dear. I'd stop in front of her dorm and she'd claim her rightful spot in the passenger seat. We'd just drive to pass the time as we talked about it all. How life isn't treating us particularly poorly or well, but how something about right now just doesn't fit right into the hollow space in our chests.

Or I might go South, or East, or West. It'd be just me and the steering wheel against the world. The life that's breaking me for no particular reason, a distant memory.

But I've got people I love here. People who need me just as much as I need them. So, at least for tonight, I'll stay, and if you'd just be so kind as to hold my hand, we could face the world together.

Always,
(or at least for now)
L.A.

image via http://chromogenic.net/070911

"Yeah, but that's just part of life. Sometimes, people are really disappointing."
-a quote from my oh so wonderful mother over coffee this beautiful October morning

Lazy days

Lazy days are meant to be spent lounging in bed until the afternoon settles in.

They're meant to be spent listening to music that makes you want to hold the ones you love closer.
Meant to be spent have a pot of coffee or two just because you have the time.
Meant to be spent effortlessly sprawled out on the couch watching your favorite movies.

Days like this should be used to catch up with those you hold dear.
Used to do the laundry you haven't had time to do over the past week.
Used to make you remember just how beautiful life is.

Always,
L.A.

Lucky

Who am I to deserve the friendships I've been so very blessed with? With the easy nature that comes with each one of my girlfriends as we just sit around enjoying a good movie and each other's company? These are the moments I would love to freeze in time.

To others, tonight wouldn't even be a blimp on the radar, but it is nights like this that have shaped me into the woman I am today, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Always,
L.A.

That life changing moment...

when you discover you like coffee right in time for fall, on "national coffee day."

I'm drinking a gas station style french vanilla cappuccino right now as I sit through one of the many education classes I'm taking this semester. Mmm...

Hope you all take some time in the midst of the craziness of life to just stop and take in the beauty of fall. Mmm. God is good. Just look at all He's done for us.

Always,
L.A.

I can't help but be struck by the irony of the way we lose friendships. It's the same way we fall in love. At first it happens so slowly you don't even realize it, and then suddenly all at once.

Always,
L.A.

I believe it is the moments

Tyler Knott, my goodness, you've done it again.

Always,
L.A.

image via

To be alive

Some times the words refuse to come. Some times all you can do is sit down in front of your computer with a heart full of so much to be expressed and written here for the world to see, but the words that would accurately detail the deep ache your heart and soul are experiencing are just beyond your reach.

But other times the words flow. For no reason at all. Or maybe for every reason. Sometimes a girl just gets full. Full of the feeling that you’re right where you’re supposed to be. The feeling that something wonderful is coming your way and it’s so close when you reach out your fingertips just almost brush it. The feeling that finally, despite all the stress and anxiety and uncertainty, finally you are living.

How great it truly is to be alive.

Always,
L.A.

image via