Unable to forget

There she is. Her thick dark hair is pulled back from her face in a no nonsense fashion. She sits in the packed theater next to her friends watching a movie that was just supposed to be about a bunch of hot guys. But here and now, in the least likely of moments, she finds a tear running down her cheek.

Sometimes something random in the middle of everything will remind her of him. It doesn’t have to be the sound of his name. Or that bittersweet moment when his favorite song finds itself on the radio on her way to work. Those things are obvious, but she’s learning day by day how to not to let those moments to break her barriers.

Every time someone brings up where he is now or the man he used to be, she just smiles and nods, but still the sadness always manages to seep through her eyes.

Sometimes she thinks about calling him up. Just to see how he’s doing.

Better?

“No,” She thinks shaking her head in the dark theater, swimming in sadness alone in this sea full of people. “He’s not better.”

“That dream you dream for him?" she thinks scolding herself, “That kind of thing only happens in the movies.”

Not this movie though. This movie caused reality to slap her in the face and knock that silly daydream from her head. She’s left feeling helpless, unable to be a life raft for the man who at one time, nay, who even now holds a piece of her heart.

So she does the only thing she can think of. The thing that she’s been reminded to do all her life. The only thing that keeps her sane at moments like this.

She looks towards the ceiling in that dark theater, and she prays.

Girls just want to have fun

This is where I went to eat last night.

 

If you ever pass through South Dakota, yes the Mount Rushmore is amazing, but if you want an ounce of civilization, go to Sioux Falls.  & If you happen to be hungry and feel like navigating a multitude of one-way streets, I hope you venture down town to the Phillips Avenue Diner.

 

 

I. love. this. place.

 

 

And the memories I make with my absolutely wonderful and amazing friends

{who you can see in the picture above} while I’m there.

 

{Side note: Remember my warning about the one way street? Well that comes courtesy of my best friend, Baylee. Yesterday, on her way to the diner she found herself driving down one the wrong way. When we brought it up to her she said she didn’t even realize her mistake until we told her, but now that she thought about it, “I was wondering why I was the only car without a stop light!”
Last night wasn’t the first time it’s happened either. Ha! Love her!}

 

Yep, I love all those girls more than I love the Phillips Avenue Diner’s sweet potato fries.
Now that’s saying something.

 

Always,

L.A.

Daydreams & silly things

{via}

I have dreams of somehow making a living simply by reading, writing, and traveling the world. Do you think I could do that? Get paid to do things I'd love to do anyways?

Hmm. Maybe.

As I've said before, a girl can dream, can't she?

Always,
L.A.

Remember Nora

Tonight I finally watched when Harry Met Sally. Not only because I felt I'd done an injustice as a romantic-comedy enthusiast in never having seen it, but also because Nora Ephron, a great writer, an inspiring woman, and also the great screen-writer of this iconic movie, passed away last night.

Sigh. I would love to be somebody's Sally.
{Minus the twelve year drawn out friendship/love story! not to be impatient or anything, but jeez! Twelve years seems like a long time when it's currently over half of your lifetime!}

So raise your figurative or literal glass to this remarkable woman tonight, and take the time to laugh and cry along to your favorite chick-flick in her memory. I know I did.

Always,
L.A.

Sigh. I'm a sucker for happy endings.

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
-When Harry Met Sally

"Reading is everything. Reading makes me feel like I've accomplished something, learned something, become a better person. Reading makes me feel smarter. Reading gives me something to talk about later on. Reading is the unbelievably healthy way my attention deficit disorder medicates itself. Reading is escape, and the opposite of escape; it's a way to make contact with reality after a day of making things up, and it's a way of making contact with someone else's imagination after a day that's all too real. Reading is grist. Reading is bliss."
-Nora Ephron, 1941-2012

20 before 20

1. Go on a road trip
2. Run a 5K
3. Get my ears pierced
4. Go on a date
5. Register to vote
6. See the ocean
7. Keep a journal for my someday husband
8. Learn how to drive a stick shift
9. Take piano lessons
10. Get my passport
11. Finally read the Harry Potter series
12. Write at least one piece for my school's paper
13. Climb the rock wall on campus {or at least try}
14. Lose 20 pounds
15. Join a club on campus
16. Read the Bible daily
17. Buy a Polaroid camera {& learn how to use it properly}
18. Decide on a major
19. Get a 4.0 first & second semester
20. Write a blog post every day for 365 days

....And all before June 25th, 2013.


Finally! My list is complete! Over the next year I plan to do all of these things, and I cannot wait to share the story that comes with each one of them with you all.

What about you? What are some things you have on your leap or bucket list??

Always,
L.A.

Wanted: My own Jake Ryan

Okay, so this isn't the best video clip, but it captures the essence of one of my favorite scenes from Sixteen Candles. (For those of you who aren't aware, Sixteen Candles is undoubtedly one of the best 80s flicks ever made. Oh, and also one of my favorite movies. Watch it! Then reread this post and come to better understand the references I'm making.)

Let's just say I'm feeling a little bit like Sam today. No, my family did not forget my birthday, nor would I ever let them. And no, my sister's not getting married tomorrow. (She's only 17! That'd be beyond weird!) But today I've come to find that working on your birthday majorly bites.

Here's to hoping there'll be a Jake Ryan lookalike standing in front of his red Porsche, waiting to take me back to his place for a romantic belated birthday party for two tomorrow. There we'll be sitting across from each other on his dining room table with nothing but a birthday cake between us. He'll ask me to make a wish, and I'll tell him that it already came true as we slowly lean towards one another until our lips meet for the first time. Sigh.

In my mind, it'd look something like this:

In reality, I'd probably end up catching fire or at least squashing the cake, and possibly even breaking that nice glass table we'd be sitting on.

But hey, a girl can dream can't she?

Always,

L.A.

P.S. I hope to have my "20 before 20" list up before tomorrow! Any ideas you're willing to throw my way are more than welcome! The list is still a work in progress...

So I've decided to make a list...

I'm kind of big on lists. My type-A personality just loves them.

So I've decided to put together a leap list to be completed within this next year. It'll be called "20 before 20", and on Monday, which just so happens to be my nineteenth birthday, I'll post it for you all so you can be a part of it and help hold me accountable.


So far it looks a little something like this:
1. Go on a road trip
2. Run a 5K
3. Get my ears pierced (For the first time. Odd I know.)
4. Go on a date (I've never been on one! Eek!)
5. Write a blog post every day for 365 days
6. See the ocean
7. Start keeping an old fashioned journal for my someday husband


But that's as far as I've come so I would love to hear your ideas! What do you think??
What are some things that I need to do before entering my second decade of life?


Hope to hear from you all soon!


Always,
L.A.

Dear number on the scale, you don't define me.

Remember me telling you, not too long ago, that I was going to do my best to live a more healthy life? That I was bound and determined not to let my poor eating habits consume me or my life?

Well I'm going to let you in on a little secret: That's not the first time I've made this declaration. And it probably won't be the last. But that's okay.


When I started this journey, I was just teetering on the edge of 200 pounds. Ew. 200. I vehemently hate that number. But I'll let you in on another little secret, even when I was there at that number that's disgusting to me, I was happy. Yeah, I was a little pudgier than normal, and my jeans were starting to get a little snug, but guess what world? That number on the scale?


It does. not. define. me.


Even if I get to my goal weight and am finally able to run a few miles without dreading it, I'll still be me, just a smidge healthier. Now almost ten pounds lighter, I'm still the same girl I was ten pounds ago. This silly dreamer of a girl. A couple of numbers are not going to change that. Ever. (Ha, although they will make swim suit shopping a bit more enjoyable.)


What saddens me tough, is when I see women, especially close friends, who have somehow twisted their journey towards health into an obsession with weight loss and being "skinny". (Skinny? Ha, no thanks. I'll take my God given curves over "skinny" any day.)


I read this blog post today, and wow did the author of it get exactly what I've been thinking lately. "I use to be 35 pounds lighter than I am today." tells it like it should be told. Please, please take some time to read it today. I think you'll be glad you did.


Always,
L.A.

Dare to hope

“Although I have lived through much darkness, I have seen enough evidence to be unshakably convinced that no difficulty, no fear is so great that it can completely suffocate the hope that springs eternal in the hearts of the young. Do not let that hope die! Stake your lives on it! We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father’s love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son.”
– Pope John Paul II

The Color Run

Guess who's running in this fun little race in less than a month??

Yep. This girl.

It's my first 5K. It's kind of an adventure. And I am pumped! (okay. and maybe a little nervous...)
Are you doing anything new and exciting soon?


Always,
L.A.

Tyler Knott Gregson

{via}

This is some work from the extraordinary artist I mentioned last night. I stumbled upon his website with a little help from one of the blogs I read from time to time. I read page after page, and I hope you take the time to do the same. That way we all can tell our children, as they reads his words from their textbooks, that we were among the lucky ones who first happened upon Tyler Knott Gregson not long after his tumblr days.

This man.

Him and his words are remarkable.

I would tip my figurative hat to you, sir, but even that seems to small of a gesture to express myself.

Always,
L.A.

Looking for my bridge

{via}

Tonight I find myself in the midst of reading the work of one of the greatest poets of our generation for the first time. I kid you not, this man's work will be a part of our children's textbooks. More on that later though.

Maybe tomorrow.

For now I just find myself slightly frustrated with the tears in my eyes acting like baby birds resisting to fly from the nest. They keep peeking over. Glancing at the ground below, but refusing to fall. These tears are a mystery to me.

If they're not ready to fall, what are they doing there?

Are they there to mourn my childhood that seems to be all but gone a week before my nineteenth year's beginning? Are they for my dear cousin who has become but a stranger to me with her sudden awkward, skinny frailness? Are they for all those old friends who have changed so much I no longer know them, only familiar with their former selves?


Maybe.


Maybe to each attempt at explaining the sadness swelling inside me.  Individually and together.


Those older and wiser tell me this not knowing, this ever present state of confusion, is just a part of the ride in this storm called life.  I know they're right.

But oh how I wish I'd just drive under a bridge soon.

You know, that's my favorite part of driving in the rain. When you finally reach that bridge, and you're presented with a moment in which suddenly all of the chaos stops, you experience a clarity unlike any other.


And you know what? I have a feeling that soon there will be a bridge up ahead.


Always,
L.A.

Standstills and Father's Day

It seems like everyone around me is flying ahead so quickly all I can make out when I look at them is a stream of flying colors. They just won't. sit. still. Everyone has found love. Everyone is getting engaged. Everyone is getting married. Everyone has found some. new. success. (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But trust me, not by much.)

And then there's me. Somehow frozen in time and in the unknown.
And for the most part, you know what? I'm okay with it. To hell with my need for control and a plan.
To hell with what everyone else thinks.

At this year's Father's Day family gathering on my father's side, while everyone else was busy showing off their new fiance or the great shape they've gotten in over the past year, I hadn't really had any remarkable changes happen to me.

"So.....Did you meet anyone down there at the U?" My Uncle Terry asked me as I sat inconspicuously among my many aunts and uncles.

"Nope. Still just me." I answered simply, as a handful of surrounding uncles quickly jumped to offer me condolences.

"Embrace the time you have being single."

"There's plenty of time for everything else."

"You have the rest of your life."

Yes. Yes, I do.

Now would you please. quit. harassing me about my love life?

Whenever that special someone decides to make an appearance in my life, trust me my dear uncles, I'll make sure you're among the first to know.

Always,
L.A.


PS: Hope you all had a lovely Father's Day! Mine was fairly wonderful. Then again I have one of the greatest men you will meet for a father, so that helps. I know you won't be reading this, but I love you, Dad. I am so proud that I am your little girl. How lucky am I?

Robyn

I know I've already shared a cover of this song, but I've had the original stuck in my head for weeks, so I thought you might like it as well. I'm not sure what it is about it that reminds me of 80's pop. But it's contagious. I find myself dancing no matter where I am when I hear it start up.

Yep. I am lovin' it.

Always,
L.A.

{via}

I want a love like this.

Blissful and easy and true.

What about you? What kind of love do you dream of?

Or are you one of the lucky ones whose dreams are already a reality?

Always,

L.A.

In the clouds...

Life's been a bit hazy as of late. I don't know where my head's been.  It certainly hasn't been here.

It seems all I have time to do is work, eat, and sleep. When I have an ounce free time I use it to catch up with those I love. If you've heard from me lately, you know I love ya.

The past couple of nights I've attempted to lay on the couch and watch a movie.  Each time the result is me passing out not even five minutes into the movie.  And then I end up sleeping the entire night on my not-incredibly-comfy couch and not in my welcoming bed. Ha, gotta love that.

Oh, the summer life.

I'm learning to embrace this craziness.

Always,
L.A.

For what it's worth

{via pinterest}

It'll be worth it.

It'll be worth the Pizza Hut pizza I didn't eat today.

And the early morning I used to work out instead of sleep.

And being so sore I can't walk without being reminded how out of shape I am.

It'll be worth it.

It will.

Always,

L.A.

I think I can, I think I can...

To say I have a love/hate relationship with my body would be an understatement.

I love it. I really do. I love each and every curve.
But I hate how it has a want for foods that aren't healthy and insists on continuing to grow outwards.
(Who doesn't hate that??)

So here we are, June 7th, starting on my get-fit journey. (Again.)

This morning I got up and worked out before going to work.
(Yay me! I am literally the worst morning person ever. This is a huge win for me.)

I ate a delicious spinach salad topped with just enough shredded mozzarella, craisins, and eggs for lunch instead of my normal fast-food diet.
(That bacon chicken sandwich was really calling my name, too.)

And I'm buying a working scale.
(Those things really are the devil.)


This may be about changing the physical, but it takes a hell of a lot of mental.
(Meh. Here we go again...)

Always,
L.A.

Summer lovin' had me a blast...

Unfortunately though this summer loving isn't the romantic kind...hehe
None the less: I am loving summer!

I love bonfires that happen at least once a week.
I love seeing old friends. I love meeting up with new ones.
I love working for my father at a 9-5 job that gives me complete freedom on my nights and weekends.
I love that I've become the owner of not one but two typewriters in the last week!
    (and one I found at a garage sale for only 50 cents! how much luckier can a girl get?!)
I love reading a book a day if I feel like it and getting to spend time in the library leisurely.
I love rainstorms. and thunder storms.
I love seeing my family every day.

Hope summer is treating you wonderfully as well!
Always,
L.A.


And just for fun I decided to link up the song that inspired this title.
I was obsessed with this movie in elementary school!

To make your monday:

I know I've been posting a lot today, but you all just have to watch this! It'll definitely help you get through the Monday madness! I may or may not have teared up a little bit while watching it myself. But hey. I'm about as cheesy as they get and a hopeless romantic on top of it. How could I have not loved this? Enjoy!

Always,
L.A.

A manifesto of sorts: A brief look at me

I am a tall, curvy, curly haired almost nineteen year old.

I am the oldest of seven children. Even though that's outside of the norm these days, I wouldn't want my family to be any less crazy. I could go on and on about my family. Yesterday was my parents' twenty-third wedding anniversary. They are just as in love with each other as they were twenty-three years ago, and they have no shortage of love to share with each of us kids.  I love them like crazy.

I've had the same best friend since I was seven years old.  We are so different but so much alike.  She longs for a acreage in Montana.  I'd love a little flat in NYC.  We both enjoy playing our music a little too loud, dancing in the car, bonfires, laughing, and just hanging out.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  She's my sister.

I did everything in high school.  I started varsity basketball and volleyball three out of four years. I was in band and choir. I was in the plays, in national honor society, and class president my junior and senior year. I was student body president my senior year, and homecoming royalty. I like to think I was friends with most people in my small high school, or at least I got along with most, but I was never "popular" thank goodness for that.  I was fine with my little circle of friends who just got me and who'd always have my back.  I graduated valedictorian of my class.  If you search the internet hard enough you can find the speech I gave at graduation on youtube, weird as that is. (Thanks Uncle Tim. Can't wait for my future employers to see that little gem.)


I now find myself done with my freshman year of college, and I've emerged from that first year a better me.  And I've made some pretty amazing friends to boot.  I am so blessed.

I am a terrible speller.  I am clumsy as hell.  I cherish the little things.  I grew a half an inch in the past year.  My hair has a mind of it's own.  I am too competitive for my own good.  I'm a neat freak.  I love to laugh.  I secretly wish I liked coffee.  I love chick flicks.  Hate scary movies.  I love to read.  I love to sing.  I'm Catholic born and raised.  My faith is incredibly important to me.  I smile at random people I pass on the street.  I strike up conversations with strangers in the supermarket.  All in all I just want to do my part, no matter how small, to make this world a better place.

Always,
L.A.

Nerdy girl problems

Late night fun fact:
I just started crushing on a guy more because he used a word not in a normal person's everyday vocabulary in a tweet.  I didn't realize how absolutely nerdy I was until now.

Always,
L.A.


P.S. As much as I'm going to regret this in the morning when I have to get up for work, I really have missed my nocturnal way of life.

You cannot tell me this isn't cool

Can you say talented?? I bet these ladies can.
Wow. Still in awe over here.

Always,
L.A.

Blue eyes and changing times

I've recently found myself thinking of, literally dreaming of, and dwelling on, this.... boy? man? friend? crush? classmate? guy?  I suppose what I classify him as is not the important part.  The important part is that he was someone who I used to be rather close with.  I never knew exactly what we were.  Most of the time I didn't care.  I just knew that I cared an awful lot about this person, and no matter what anyone else thought, our relationship, whatever it was, was very important to me.

This damn friendship of ours though.  Gosh was it grueling.  Yet for the most part it endured through the years.

Until this past year.  That's when everything got messy and everything went to shit.

Lately that's been bothering me.  I miss him, damn it.

I miss that boy who could make me laugh at the drop of a hat.  Who made me more compassionate by just allowing me to hear bits and pieces of his story unfold in almost every conversation we had.  He didn't realize how beautiful of a person he was.  But I did.  He refused to believe he was good.

But he was.

The sad part about a boy with a shy smile and honest clear blue eyes, is that when that boy begins to believe he isn't good, he stops caring to try to be.  That changes him.  It twists him into someone you don't know anymore.  And that hurts.

It hurts like hell.

Always,
L.A.