It's hard to put into words something you can't even put into a coherent thought. It's complicated. Yet so simple. Things are how they are. They're this way for a reason. Someday it all may look very different. Or it could look exactly the same, with the exception of our graying hair.
There's this constant war constantly being waged within me.
To fight this or not to fight it. To give into my reckless heart or to deny what I know to be true. Or should I just keep doing what I've been doing and settle into this in-betweenness that I've come to find so comfortable?
Let me ask you:
What is the right thing to do?
I don't know what it is about me that makes someone like you so easy to fall back into. It's what makes you so you. And me so me. You make my heart smile. All of your little quirks.
Your silly little quirks.
Cue my sigh. smile. laughter at the memory of your awkward silly wink earlier today.
But I know that she is, at least for now, the one that makes you smile. That, at least for now, that's the way it is. That's the way it's going to be. May always be.
And who knows. Things may change. Or not.
Don't ask me to make sense of it all.
All I know now is that you make me smile. And Lord, how I love to smile.
Always,
L.A.
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