My thoughts as he stops by to talk to me:

You still mean a lot to me.

There's really nothing I can do about it at this point.

You make me happy. I feel more myself when I'm with you.

If somebody thinks there's something wrong with that,

well pardon my French, but fuck 'em.

If you cannot lose something you never had,
       please explain to me why this hurts so bad...

Is that you?

I catch myself wondering from time to time,
is the you I miss so much the you that is still under all of that junk?
Is that you still a mess of mischievous but beautifully honest eyes,
eyes that promised we’d always be in touch?
Is the you that still pulls on my heart strings,
the you that the tears that washed my face in mass were for?

And this shall be my life…

God knows that I really am trying to do
                  Everything He’s asked me to…

Can we be best friends? Just you and me?
It’ll be us against the world; wait and see.

If only…

If only I could find a quote
that clearly expressed how much I miss you.
How much I care about you.
How you’re still a dead weight on my heart
despite what my head’s been telling me for months.

To hell with this feeling.
This loving till it hurts.
It’s true what they say.
I still care about you too much.

I pray to God every day you find peace.
That you can escape the hollowness that plagues you.
That you’ll let someone care about you some day.
That you’ll let them in where I’ve fought so hard to be.

I pray every day you find what you keep looking for.
Or at least that you won’t stop looking.
And that when that day comes you’ll call me up
and we’ll sit at some little cafe sipping on hot tea and coffee.

In that place we’ll make peace.
You’ll tell me about your struggles,
and how He helps you conquer them day after day.
Apologies will be had from both sides.

But then we’ll part,
with the hug of old friends,
my heart full again,
proud of the man you’ve become.
Of the man you’ve always ben.

I would like to close my eyes
       For just a minute or maybe two.
I would like to close my eyes
       And take some time to dream of you.

Be not ashamed of your tears

It’s okay to cry. Unfortunately, the world can be a sad place more times than not.
But no matter what, no matter how bad it hurts, you cannot let that sadness consume you.

In this world full of tragedy and unrealized potential, look for beauty in the brokenness.
In the pain find your strength. See the hope in what seems hopeless.

And never forget to keep smiling despite it all.
Keep on smiling and, as far as I’m concerned, you’ve won.

Always,
L.A.

Wishes

It’s a funny thing, isn’t it?
Being content, happy even, when the things you want out of life are still very far from your reach.
But please listen to me when I say you need to live that way.

What fun is it to live constantly grasping for something out of reach?
Take things as they come.
All your worrying and wishing won’t bring them to you any faster.

Keep on wishing though.
For without wishes you’ll never have things that you’ve wished for come to you.
And isn’t that a wonderful thing?

To have your wishes come true?