If only…

If only I could find a quote
that clearly expressed how much I miss you.
How much I care about you.
How you’re still a dead weight on my heart
despite what my head’s been telling me for months.

To hell with this feeling.
This loving till it hurts.
It’s true what they say.
I still care about you too much.

I pray to God every day you find peace.
That you can escape the hollowness that plagues you.
That you’ll let someone care about you some day.
That you’ll let them in where I’ve fought so hard to be.

I pray every day you find what you keep looking for.
Or at least that you won’t stop looking.
And that when that day comes you’ll call me up
and we’ll sit at some little cafe sipping on hot tea and coffee.

In that place we’ll make peace.
You’ll tell me about your struggles,
and how He helps you conquer them day after day.
Apologies will be had from both sides.

But then we’ll part,
with the hug of old friends,
my heart full again,
proud of the man you’ve become.
Of the man you’ve always ben.