Daydreaming...

Some people think of their future home and dream of extravagantly large walk-in closets or jacuzzi tubs.

I dream of a place where the sound of little feet running across the wood floor can be heard. A place where I can read Green Eggs and Ham and The Foot Book to small children who look a little something like the man I love. {You.} I don't dream of a specific square-footage or number of bedrooms. I don't dream of a place at all.

I dream of the people who will make wherever we're at home.

Always,
L.A.

It's hard to put into words something you can't even put into a coherent thought. It's complicated. Yet so simple. Things are how they are. They're this way for a reason. Someday it all may look very different. Or it could look exactly the same, with the exception of our graying hair.

There's this constant war constantly being waged within me.

To fight this or not to fight it. To give into my reckless heart or to deny what I know to be true. Or should I just keep doing what I've been doing and settle into this in-betweenness that I've come to find so comfortable?

Let me ask you:
What is the right thing to do?

I don't know what it is about me that makes someone like you so easy to fall back into. It's what makes you so you. And me so me. You make my heart smile. All of your little quirks.

Your silly little quirks.

Cue my sigh. smile. laughter at the memory of your awkward silly wink earlier today.

But I know that she is, at least for now, the one that makes you smile. That, at least for now, that's the way it is. That's the way it's going to be. May always be.

And who knows. Things may change. Or not.

Don't ask me to make sense of it all.

All I know now is that you make me smile. And Lord, how I love to smile.

Always,
L.A.

"Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it."
- Braveheart

Risk it.

The possibility of love, of that happily ever after you've always dreamed of, of sitting on your front porch with a man you love more than all the stars in the sky surrounded by ten kids who look just like him, IS 110%, without a doubt worth any awkwardness or pain that may come from a failed attempt at a relationship.

Fight for what you want. 

Don't close your door and go hide in your room whenever your heart's at risk of bruising or breaking.

Take a risk.

Fight with every ounce of strength God gave you.

Because someday, when you come home to your empty apartment with no one but your cat to greet you, you might regret every day you didn't.

Always,
L.A.

"Everything you do right now ripples outward and affects everyone. Your posture can shine your heart or transmit anxiety. Your breath can radiate love or muddy the room in depression. Your glance can awaken joy. Your words can inspire freedom. Your every act can open hearts and minds."
— David Deida 

I know what they say...               "Love's messy."

Well maybe that's why I keep unconsciously sabotaging myself.

I've never been very good with messes.

Always,

L.A.

Faith.

image via

Hey you,

I'm sorry it took so long for me to come to this realization,
and I know they say that things happen the way they do for a reason,
but each day I am more and more sure I messed up when I let you pass without saying hello.

Always,
That L.A. girl you never fail to make smile

Remember:

It’s ok to slip,

and it’s ok to fall down,
but always get up.

Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

Note to self: Love bravely.

Romance me,

but please try & hold off for the next 40 days, because this girl is officially on a dating fast. 
Always,
L.A.

PS: I've recently discovered I'm attracted to the Clark Kent type nine times out of ten. You know, wonderfully nerdy with their thick rimmed glasses, but still 110% man underneath it all. I mean for goodness sakes, Clark Kent is Superman. & who wouldn't want to date, marry, and make ten babies with Superman?

PPS: You all need, with a capital N, to see this video. Although I can't ever see myself eloping, I'm absolutely enchanted with it.

PPPS: Read this. I almost died laughing. hahaha... Something like this would definitely happen to me.

"So many words get lost. They leave the mouth and lose their courage, wandering aimlessly until they are swept into the gutter like dead leaves. On rainy days you can hear their chorus rushing past."
- Nicole Krauss

Dear sir who will have to unclog drains full of hair for me,

I'm still here, living my life the best way I know how, & waiting for you.

Always,
yours

N.Y.C., the place you'll take me someday,

I'm not sure how I feel about the way everyone always romanticizes New York City. Gosh. That was such a hasty generalization. I'm sorry. I'm not sure how I feel about the way my favorite kind of romantic comedy and my favorite kind of wistful writing, professional or not, always romanticizes New York City.

Why do they do that to silly dreamers like me? Paint it as this place where anything can happen in the turn of a corner? As this place where at any given second you could literally bump into your mister right? Where I could bump into You? As the place where the life that's too wonderful for you to possibly imagine, happens to you? Why do they do that?

Isn't that true of any place?

Can't any or all of that happen any where?

Doesn't it?

Every day?

Just something I'm pondering as I watch You've Got Mail pathetically and wonderfully alone tonight. Have you ever thought about that? If you haven't, you are now.

Always,
L.A.

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for my morning coffee flavored with carmel

just the way I like it that helps me get out of bed.

I'm thankful for my very blue-collar parttime job

which has allowed me to meet new people and make them laugh just when they need to.

I'm thankful for my best friend,

the girl who is always one quick text or phone call away when I need someone most.

I'm thankful for the girls in my Bible study,

I love how together we can share in how we're all crazy about Jesus

& just crazy in general.

I'm thankful for little everyday miracles,

like getting to wear shorts outside in November,

and having my roommate finally agree to come to SEEK with me in January.

I'm thankful for prayer, the Word, Mass, grace, & genuine friendships made in Christ.

I'm thankful that I finally feel at home here.

I can't help but thank the Lord for all He's blessed me with.

God is so very good.

Images via: 1, 2, & 3

"If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."
- Fred Rogers 

My people

....& then one day I just woke up and realized that I didn't care if I wasn't like them anymore. I didn't care if I wasn't in on their latest inside joke or on board the emotional roller coaster they couldn't seem to get off. I finally realized why things were so awkward between us recently.

The little things that meant the world to them meant absolutely nothing to me. I longed for more, knew that in this life I'd been called to live for something bigger. Yeah, it kind of hurt, to know that now that I was aware of my indifference to their shallow pettiness nothing would ever be the same, but at the same time I was relieved.

Because in that moment I knew.

They weren't my people. They never had been. No matter how long and hard I tried, they couldn't fit into that role. They weren't meant to play it.

I'd had my people all along.

Dear you, this is me:

"Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the 'normal people' as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like 'Have a nice day' and 'Weather’s awful today, eh?', you yearn inside to say forbidden things like 'Tell me something that makes you cry' or 'What do you think deja vu is for?'"
-Timothy Leary 

Always,
yours