To the man who may be right under my nose,

{via}

This. This is what I want...

to see your smile.

Always,
L.A.

"I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was… And I think that’s why she struggled with love. She couldn’t touch it. She couldn’t hold on to it and make sure it never changed."
- Carrie Ryan, The Dead-Tossed Waves 

Some days it's comforting to find that even when you can't find the words, someone in some other time somewhere else did....

Always,
L.A.

“Oh, me? I’m not 80% water. I’m 80% coffee, and a little bit of sass.”
- Zooey Deschanel

p.s. you,
I'm completely and totally lovin' that guilty pleasure of a show she's in right now, New Girl. I wonder if you've ever watched it... If not, I'll show you a clip or make you watch an episode... someday.
Always,
me

All I want is someone to sit on the couch next to me while I watch New Girl...

okay, maybe I want a little more than that, but hey, that'd be a nice start.

Always,
L.A.

Be the light

"I am shining as bright as a 100 candles set ablaze. I am a guiding light even when I feel lost and alone. I am more than I think I am, more than others imagine I can be. One candle illuminates. Be that one candle, light others up with the fire within you. Let love be your choice. Light your own fire within. Start today."
- Starra Neely Blade

image via http://anxiouswhitevirgin.blogspot.com/2012/03/candles.html

"Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused."

— Alan Cohen

Drive

Some nights I just want to tell all of my responsibilities to go eff themselves. Some nights I just want to get into my car and drive. Just get on the interstate, no destination in mind, with my dorm and little college town in my rear view mirror.

I'd turn up my faithful Subaru's stereo and drown out the world with the sound of Mumford & Sons. A tear or two might make their way down my face, their origin or reason unknown. Alone in my car, free to be the realest version of me, reasons aren't required.

I might end up going North. Stopping in the city so familiar to me for a late night cup of coffee. Or maybe I'd take the exit towards the place that I recognize as home and spend the night in a peaceful sleep, curled up in my childhood bed.

I might end up passing the exit sign for home and travel another hour towards the school my best friend from high school attends and holds so dear. I'd stop in front of her dorm and she'd claim her rightful spot in the passenger seat. We'd just drive to pass the time as we talked about it all. How life isn't treating us particularly poorly or well, but how something about right now just doesn't fit right into the hollow space in our chests.

Or I might go South, or East, or West. It'd be just me and the steering wheel against the world. The life that's breaking me for no particular reason, a distant memory.

But I've got people I love here. People who need me just as much as I need them. So, at least for tonight, I'll stay, and if you'd just be so kind as to hold my hand, we could face the world together.

Always,
(or at least for now)
L.A.

image via http://chromogenic.net/070911

"Yeah, but that's just part of life. Sometimes, people are really disappointing."
-a quote from my oh so wonderful mother over coffee this beautiful October morning

"Time is tricky. You have whole months, even years, when nothing changes a speck, when you don't go anywhere or do anything or think one new thought. And then you can get hit with a day or an hour, or half a second, when so much happens, it's almost like you are born all over again into some brand-new person you for damn sure never expected to meet."
-E.R. Frank

Tyler Knott: & he does it again...

The clouds will come. The rain will fall. The winds will roar and the roof will shake. Will you hide or will you dance? Will you wrap your arms tight around your chest or will you open them wide to the fading of the light?

Dark Storm Clouds Over Abandoned Rooftop (by TylerKnott)

via tylerknott.com

Sometimes, people just really suck.

The best people

"The best people possess a feeling for beauty, the courage to take risks, the discipline to tell the truth, the capacity for sacrifice. Ironically, their virtues make them vulnerable; they are often wounded, sometimes destroyed."

- Ernest Hemingway

What I'll need from you,

I don't need some monumental act of undeniable passion.

I don't need a dramatic story
that the rest of the world is is desperate to hear
and feels the need to retell time and time again.




I need simple moments when our eyes meet
and through one look we both know that the other's thinking about how
we're lucky to have stumbled upon each other.

I need a sweet smile
that knows that we're in the midst of a bunch of little things
that alone means absolutely nothing to anyone,
but when added up creates something that we wouldn't trade for the world.





This is what I want. This is what I need.

Always,
L.A.

Taking some time to write about my writing...

I feel like a lot of times my writing exposes the dramatic side of me. I suppose I am an "artist" of sorts though, so a tad of drama is to be expected. I just want everyone out there keeping up with this silly little blog of mine to know that although I do struggle with body image issues, just like the majority of women, I am well aware that my body image does not define me. I know that I am much healthier now than I was a year ago. I know that I need to continue to pay attention to my health.

It's a never ending battle.

I also want you to know that first and foremost this blog serves as my journal. & it is very personal. & that often times I want to delete it, because God knows anything you post on the internet can be traced to you, and if someone I knew who I didn't want to find this happened upon it, I might cry. I've thought of changing blogging platforms. Of using an old fashioned paper journal. And someday I might do one or both of these things, but for the time being know this:

This is the place I share my heart and soul.

This place is very real and very raw.

Know that you get to see a part of me that most don't. Know that you have witnessed the evolution of me through these oftentimes nonsensical posts. Know that even if we never meet, I cherish you.

Always,

L.A.

{via}

A hanger like this would be treasured by a girl like me.

Lies

Aren't they silly? The lies the world tries to feed us, time and time again?

"You're not thin enough."

"You're too tall."

"You're too loud."

"You're not little or cute enough."

"You're too big and awkward and bulky."

"Twenty pounds isn't enough. Better lose twenty more."

"Food is a comfort you're empty without."

Lies. Lies. Lies.

As my good friend Krystal would say, those are lies straight from the pit of hell. And I am through listening to them. I am not the girl I was a year ago, but my journey towards the woman I want to be is far from over.

Always,
L.A.

That virtue I'm lacking

They say good things come to those who wait.

It really is too bad God forgot to give me a good dose of patience when He made me.

Always,
L.A.

"Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Life is made up of the little moments.

{via}

Lazy days

Lazy days are meant to be spent lounging in bed until the afternoon settles in.

They're meant to be spent listening to music that makes you want to hold the ones you love closer.
Meant to be spent have a pot of coffee or two just because you have the time.
Meant to be spent effortlessly sprawled out on the couch watching your favorite movies.

Days like this should be used to catch up with those you hold dear.
Used to do the laundry you haven't had time to do over the past week.
Used to make you remember just how beautiful life is.

Always,
L.A.

Lucky

Who am I to deserve the friendships I've been so very blessed with? With the easy nature that comes with each one of my girlfriends as we just sit around enjoying a good movie and each other's company? These are the moments I would love to freeze in time.

To others, tonight wouldn't even be a blimp on the radar, but it is nights like this that have shaped me into the woman I am today, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Always,
L.A.

That life changing moment...

when you discover you like coffee right in time for fall, on "national coffee day."

I'm drinking a gas station style french vanilla cappuccino right now as I sit through one of the many education classes I'm taking this semester. Mmm...

Hope you all take some time in the midst of the craziness of life to just stop and take in the beauty of fall. Mmm. God is good. Just look at all He's done for us.

Always,
L.A.

A note to the man whose last name I'll someday share,

For some reason unbeknownst to me, my hand especially longs to hold yours tonight. I think it may have something to do with the tumultuous fall weather that's going on right now as I sit in the  library and read The Canterbury Tales. Or maybe it's the romantic way Middle English sounds in my head as I read about knights and squires and the such.

I do know one thing though. As much as I know this time by myself is making me into the woman I'll be when we meet someday not too long from now, this thing still rings true.

I miss you, my knight.

Always yours,
me

Because sometimes just my words aren't enough

"Our job is to love people. When it hurts. When it’s awkward. When it’s uncool and embarrassing. Our job is to stand together, to carry the burdens of one another and to meet each other in our questions."
— Jamie Tworkowksi

"In college, I used to underline sentences that struck me, that made me look up from the page. They were not necessarily the same sentences the professors pointed out, which would turn up for further explication on an exam. I noted them for their clarity, their rhythm, their beauty and their enchantment. For surely it is a magical thing for a handful of words, artfully arranged, to stop time. To conjure a place, a person, a situation, in all its specificity and dimensions. To affect us and alter us, as profoundly as real people and things do."
— Jhumpa Lahiri, My Life’s Sentences

I can't help but be struck by the irony of the way we lose friendships. It's the same way we fall in love. At first it happens so slowly you don't even realize it, and then suddenly all at once.

Always,
L.A.