Daydreaming...

Some people think of their future home and dream of extravagantly large walk-in closets or jacuzzi tubs.

I dream of a place where the sound of little feet running across the wood floor can be heard. A place where I can read Green Eggs and Ham and The Foot Book to small children who look a little something like the man I love. {You.} I don't dream of a specific square-footage or number of bedrooms. I don't dream of a place at all.

I dream of the people who will make wherever we're at home.

Always,
L.A.

It's hard to put into words something you can't even put into a coherent thought. It's complicated. Yet so simple. Things are how they are. They're this way for a reason. Someday it all may look very different. Or it could look exactly the same, with the exception of our graying hair.

There's this constant war constantly being waged within me.

To fight this or not to fight it. To give into my reckless heart or to deny what I know to be true. Or should I just keep doing what I've been doing and settle into this in-betweenness that I've come to find so comfortable?

Let me ask you:
What is the right thing to do?

I don't know what it is about me that makes someone like you so easy to fall back into. It's what makes you so you. And me so me. You make my heart smile. All of your little quirks.

Your silly little quirks.

Cue my sigh. smile. laughter at the memory of your awkward silly wink earlier today.

But I know that she is, at least for now, the one that makes you smile. That, at least for now, that's the way it is. That's the way it's going to be. May always be.

And who knows. Things may change. Or not.

Don't ask me to make sense of it all.

All I know now is that you make me smile. And Lord, how I love to smile.

Always,
L.A.

"Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it."
- Braveheart

Risk it.

The possibility of love, of that happily ever after you've always dreamed of, of sitting on your front porch with a man you love more than all the stars in the sky surrounded by ten kids who look just like him, IS 110%, without a doubt worth any awkwardness or pain that may come from a failed attempt at a relationship.

Fight for what you want. 

Don't close your door and go hide in your room whenever your heart's at risk of bruising or breaking.

Take a risk.

Fight with every ounce of strength God gave you.

Because someday, when you come home to your empty apartment with no one but your cat to greet you, you might regret every day you didn't.

Always,
L.A.

"Everything you do right now ripples outward and affects everyone. Your posture can shine your heart or transmit anxiety. Your breath can radiate love or muddy the room in depression. Your glance can awaken joy. Your words can inspire freedom. Your every act can open hearts and minds."
— David Deida 

I know what they say...               "Love's messy."

Well maybe that's why I keep unconsciously sabotaging myself.

I've never been very good with messes.

Always,

L.A.

Faith.

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