Shit. It's that time of year again....

Time for me to make some resolutions...one's that I'll actually keep for once.

Always,
L.A.

So often we wait

when it’s the brave leap forward
that would set us free.

Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

And now for a quote that discribes exactly how I've been feeling as of late...

"The world kept moving on, I alone, was at a stand still."
- Haruki Murakami 

"The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only. "

— Victor Hugo, Les Misérables 

I may be a little misguided, but when it comes down to it, well honestly, I think we all are.

-me

I'm so over this waiting nonsense. What can I do to make things happen? How can I win you over?

You should know, patience has never been my virtue.

Always,
L.A.

"In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do."
-C.S. Lewis 

              - J.M. Coetzee, Youth

{via}

{via}

"It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season—like all the other seasons—is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them."
— Lemony Snicket 

Tonight

It's funny how a proper chick flick affects me...

Tonight, right now, despite anything I've said,
I am truly, honestly, and completely hopeful.

I don't know what God has in mind for me. Or who God has in mind for me.
But I know deep down, despite all of my doubts and fear, that it's all going to be more than worth whatever comes between now and then.

Lovingly,
       Always,
                L.A.

I want someone to want me. To fight for me. To absolutely love the life they're living, but still be willing to deal with change....for me.

Is that too much to ask for?

Always,
L.A.

A reminder for me:

"Both worry and stress reek of arrogance. They declare our tendency to forget that we’ve been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won’t be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God’s strength, our problems are small, indeed."
— Francis Chan, Crazy Love 

I wish I could draw a little something for you to explain the picture of us, of what could have been, that won't leave my head. But I've never been one to sketch or paint; I'm far too much of a perfectionist for that. & so these images will exist only for me. Selfishly, I'll keep them to myself.

I'm brave enough to write this here, in my little corner of the internet, but not brave enough to let you know how much you scare me. Because where so much could go right, it could also go quite wrong, and I'm not sure I'm ready to make that leap of faith.

Vulnerability, my old friend, why have you shown your face again?

Always,
L.A.

"I looked at everyone and wondered where they came from, and who they missed, and what they were sorry for."
— Jonathan Safran Foer

The Way You Look Tonight

Something soft and beautiful for you to drift asleep to this peaceful December night.

Much love,

L.A.

Today while Christmas shopping at Barnes & Nobel, a place that immediately transforms me into an overwhelmed kid in a candy shop, I bought a travel journal for absolutely no reason at all. I bought it just because I wanted to. Because it was beautiful and inspiring, and oh so wonderfully made me wistful and want to abandon all responsibility and simply travel for the sake of traveling.

Maybe someday.

Until then it shall sit on my dresser and wait for the day I no longer just admire it, but put it to the use it deserves.

Still here,

     .....always,

               L.A.

"I just want to be friends, plus a little extra, also I love you."
- Dwight Schrute

"Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors."
- Andrew Boyd

"Literature duplicates the experience of living in a way that nothing else can, drawing you so fully into another life that you temporarily forget you have one of your own. That is why you read it, and might even sit up in bed till early dawn, throwing your whole tomorrow out of whack, simply to find out what happens to some people who, you know perfectly well, are made up."

- Barbara Kingsolver 

I'm done competing.

This is me. This girl, woman, sister, daughter, friend, cousin, child, adult, this is who I am. At least for now. I'm constantly growing, changing, and evolving. Right now isn't the end. Right here isn't the end all be all. My story isn't over. It's still being written.

You be you.

I'll be me.

Whatever happens happens, but I'm done constantly worrying about it.

Always,
L.A.

"I wish it could just be simple, like a retro pop song, 'I want you to want me.' Boom. End of story. We all live happily ever after. But it is never really like that, is it?"
-John Tucker Must Die

Take heart.

When things like this happen, I pull out my Bible and look to it for comfort. There I look for hope in the most hopeless times. Today, John 16:33 calls for remembering:

"In the world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world."

If there's one thing we've learned in these tragic times, most recently in the light of today's shooting in Newton, Connecticut, it's that life is short. You never know when your time might be up. We've been given this time on Earth for a reason. So use it wisely.

Call those you've neglected lately. Tell them how much you miss them.
How much you love them.

After all, only God knows what tomorrow will bring.

Always,
L.A.

“Someday you’ll find the right person, and you’ll learn to have a lot more confidence in yourself. That’s what I think. So don’t settle for anything less.”

—Haruki Murakami

The real kicker is that you don't even know the effect you have on me.

"Nobody wants to experience denial and the only guaranteed way to avoid it is not putting yourself out there at all. We think, the universe can’t push us off the mountain if we don’t climb it in the first place. But to that same token we have no shot at seeing and experiencing the top of the mountain living so guardedly."
— Christopher Hudspeth - What Happens To Our Dreams As We Get Older

Remembering to have faith...waiting for You,

And I do believe. Most days. But sometimes, on nights like tonight, my heart develops that steady ache that can only be forgotten through a long and deep sleep.

As far as I know, I haven't met you yet. But oh, for the love of Pete, do I miss you.

Gosh I miss you.

Always always yours,

me

image courtesy of tylerknott.com